Rebuilding My Identity - One Creative Choice at a Time

I used to think reinvention was this big, dramatic moment in time. But for me, it has looked more like tiny awakenings stacked over time.

When my marriage ended, I found myself staring at a strange kind of blank canvas.

Not the exciting kind - the empty, disorienting kind.

I realized I didn’t actually know what I liked to do.

Not really...

Not beyond what had been convenient, expected, or woven into someone else’s routines.

For years, our shared life was shaped around interests and routines that weren’t really mine. Over time, I slowly drifted away from the parts of myself I loved. When everything fell apart, there was this moment when I realized:

I didn’t know who I wanted to be, or who I even was!

For years, our shared life story reflected more of his interests, his hobbies, his circles. Along the way, my own slowly faded into the background. When everything fell apart, there was this moment where I realized:

I didn’t know who I wanted to be, or who I even was!

January 2024: The Decision

When I finally settled into my new home after the breakup, I made a promise to myself.

Not just a New Year’s resolution.

Not just a “fresh start”.

I decided to change my life and become the person I wanted to be.

Not someone’s partner.

Not someone’s mirror.

Just me!

I didn’t know where to begin, so I started with the only thing that felt honest - the only thing that felt exciting, grounding, and motivating…

I began creating!

How Creativity Became My Way Forward

The first thing I made was a mandala - simple, imperfect, and unexpectedly emotional. It reminded me what it felt like to make something with no purpose other than joy.

Then I created painting of my granddaughter on the beach.

Then I crocheted slippers.

And covers for the pouffy footstools in my living room.

I signed up for pottery classes - much harder than I expected - and I’ve kept going every week. I’m now making pieces I feel proud enough to give to friends and family.

I created jewellery.

I designed a mindfulness mandala journal.

I completed my yoga teacher training...

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, Resting Zen Face was born!

and the early spark of what would eventually become Zen Collective.

Every creative project became a breadcrumb leading me back to myself.

Rebuilding my Life From Scratch

Rediscovering my creativity wasn’t just about what I made with my hands - it was just as much about what I have built inside myself.

I created new friendships.

New routines.

New priorities.

New beliefs about who I can be and what I actually want.

Almost two years into this evolving chapter, I feel like a completely different person.

Not because I “found myself,” but because I’m slowly learning who I actually am - without conforming, without obligation, without shrinking.

Creativity didn’t give me a new identity.

It gave me space to uncover the one that was always there - just buried under work, marriage, expectations, and everything else.

Still Becoming

I used to think reinvention was this big, dramatic moment in time.

But for me, it has looked more like tiny awakenings stacked over time:

A brushstroke.

A ball of yarn.

A lump of clay.

A journal page.

A yoga class.

These little choices - creative expressions - continue to reshape how I see myself and my life, discovering parts of me I didn’t even know were there.

I’m still becoming - slowly, quietly, honestly. This is the most “me” I’ve ever been - and I’m having fun growing a little more with every new thing I create.